is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
