watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
