So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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