I just threw up on my dentist
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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