She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize