I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
handjob tips. give me some.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
