the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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