dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
