I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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