I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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