we're chasing vodka with high fives
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
