I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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