I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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