On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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