my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
