if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me I should be a condom model.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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