So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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