i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
