Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize