omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Randomize
