I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
