woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
