If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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