Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
