I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
