and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
