I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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