Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
