he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
