I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
