Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
