I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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