if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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