So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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