If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize