dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
