I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
