at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just found out that she named her cat after me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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