I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
