thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
what day is it and did you see me today?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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