just tell him i said nine months
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
