one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
