I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
