Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
