She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Panties = found
Randomize
