It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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