can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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