I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
