Welp...herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize