he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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