Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
