If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
