Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
