I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I see more hoeing in ur future
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