oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
