He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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