After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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