no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize