also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
