New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
pop tarts are not kleenex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is Oprah even human
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
