my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
