I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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