I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have fence marks all over my body
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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