Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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