im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i've created a new STD.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
