you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize