Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
