What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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