Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm like, not good at living.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
