did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
