i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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