It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
