the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
