Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize