Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
