Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
