I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
