I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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