You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
