also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
