Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
