the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
