well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
