you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
