He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
