with your own penis?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have fence marks all over my body
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
