I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
