There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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