id be glad to
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i think im in europe. pls send help
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
