babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
