8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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