Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
