and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
