i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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